parenting – A multi-disciplinary creative, always creating.

My Pre-Teen Boy is Now Eager to Do Chores

Step 1: Seriously restrict your pre-teen boy’s computer time for two weeks on Minecraft. Give him an allotted time, to be on the computer and don’t waiver. Step 2: After two weeks, ask him if he’d like to earn a half-hour more (if all his work is done). Step 3: When he exuberantly says YES – look around the house for things for him to do, and tell him to come back to you when he’s finished. Step 4: Walk around the house and review his handiwork. Applaud his effort if everything is completed and done well. Step 4: Give him the extra time he’s earned. (Set a timer!)

#eagertodochores

ABC’s of Discipline

I picked up something somewhere about parenting that really works. I wish I could credit the concept to whomever created it. If I understand correctly, think of it as something like the ABC’s of Discipline. A-is the Antecedent or the precursor to B- a child’s Behavior (acting out) which leads to a parent doling out the C-Consequence.

Parents become reactionary and often jump straight to C, because they don’t identify the Antecedent, and only see the Behavior. I’m not sure that’s effective. What works for me and my son, Miles, is to nip things in the bud when he starts to misbehave in a consistent way, so he always knows what to expect.

What works for me and Miles is if he starts to misbehave, I recognize it and let him know he’s in “A-mode.” He can then choose if he wants to continue to act on his Behavior which always leads to Consequences, because he understands how the ABC’s works. Rarely does Miles ever get to C-mode since I’ve deployed the strategy. On the rare occasion that Miles gets himself in “B-mode” and continues to act on his behavior; I very clearly look him in the eyes and say, “Would you like to go to C-now?” That question always backs him right up to A-mode, and the behavior ends.
(He’s no dummy. Consequences are never fun!) I think the whole thing works because a child has real control over what he wants to do next. Miles always wants to roll back to A-because don’t we all wish for a “do-over” sometimes?

Thanks for the ear,

Tonia Allen Gould

Coming Soon To a Technology Device Near You

Jacob, age 6, with his Samuel T. Moore of Corte Magore App on the iPad

Bi-line article written for Today’s Parent USA by Tonia Allen Gould

This fast-paced media environment we are experiencing today is continuously changing and has everyone confused. Parents too, are having a hard time catching-up on evolving trends. Like everyone else, they are trying to figure it all out, while their children seem to adapt and grasp onto technology without even a glimmer of thought. Look around you—in airport terminals, at outdoor cafes, and at the nearest Starbucks, it’s not uncommon to see a child, sometimes as young as two years old, sitting quietly and comfortably, glaring through the glossy screen of an iPad. One thing is for certain; these children are engaged and consumed by the technology they are accessing from the palm of their hands.

Today, there are an abundance of apps that can be accessed through general purpose tablets like the iPad. With only a touch of a finger, and a few moments of time, you can browse through books, games and educational apps for children from the iTunes App Store, for example, on your device. With so many options in front of you, it’s important to understand the landscape of where book media is today and where it is going, especially in the education and entertainment arenas. Picture books, for instance, on technology devices have turned into interactive, engaging “experiences,” complete with digital animation, narration and music. While we all hope that conventional books in the library will never really be replaced, it’s true that in just a few short years, book apps and eBooks have already changed the publishing world and redefined how books come to market. In fact, some book apps are starting to look something more like a Disney/Pixar movie than an actual picture book, and the book market will only get better from here.

Also, it’s important to understand that there are significant costs that go into the production of a single book app and this is why the good ones can’t be purchased for the price of a song. Still at $1.99-$7.99 or higher, the cost of a book app may be a much better value when compared to printed and bound books stocked at brick and mortar retailers like Barnes and Noble, where you can expect to pay at least twice the price of a book app or eBook. It’s these very same electronic books that can be found at other retailers, like Amazon, that are partially responsible for those big retailer’s declining sales.

It’s true that just a few short years ago; kids were snuggling up next to their parents to have a book read to them when their parents could take the time to sit down with them. Today’s kids are getting their books on demand and being read to by professional narrators, when mom’s lap isn’t available, and they are doing this right from the comfort of their own electronic devices. For parents, the reality is you don’t need to draw a line in the sand, and purchase your child’s books one way or the other. What’s most important is that your child is reading. Books of any kind are a good way for kids to start thinking and speaking early, but I for one, am looking forward to the positive influence technology can bring to those young minds.

Tonia Allen Gould is the producer and author of Samuel T. Moore of Corte Magore, an electronically published book app, available in the App Store on iTunes, and is also available by audio on CD Baby and through other media outlets. Published by Skies America, Gould creatively directed and hand-picked the celebrity talent to make this eBook/app an engaging experience for children ages four to eight-years-old. The app was illustrated by Marc Ceccarelli, a SpongeBob SquarePants storyboard director. It was narrated by two-time Marconi Award nominee, and radio personality, Mr. Steve McCoy. The original musical score was produced by country artist, Robby Armstrong.

Remember Who You Are

Simba: Father?!
Mufasa’s ghost: Simba, you have forgotten me.
Simba: No! How could I?
Mufasa’s ghost: You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life.
Simba: How can I go back!? I’m not who I used be!
Mufasa’s ghost: Remember who you are.
©Disney

My father was a salesman. I don’t think I realized this when I was a little kid growing up in the Midwest, but he definitely was one, even though his real occupation was working as a foreman for the Indiana State Highway Department. Back then, I’d spend time with my dad who was always looking to find ways to supplement his income to make an honest living. On weekends, Dad would drive me around in one of his old, beat-up cars or trucks he fixed-up himself. My family and I wouldn’t get too used to whatever vehicle he was driving at the moment, as it generally wouldn’t stay around long. The car merely served as a short-term means of transportation, and a roving billboard that advertised its own sale. While he didn’t have any long term relationship with the vehicle, he did have a certain attachment to it that came from having pride in his work, illustrated through his own mechanical abilities, which enabled him to fix things that were broken.

On any given Sunday, Dad and I would be out on a mission, looking for other “For Sale” signs on tractors, lawn mowers, cars, trucks, boats or trailers parked haphazardly in some stranger’s yard. We’d spend hours on end in search of whatever we could find that not only suited Dad’s liking but also matched his mechanical skills to buy, fix-up and sell again for a profit.

On any one of those days, my handsome dad would pull our car into some random driveway, climb out, smooth back his hair, hoist his pants and walk confidently up to knock on the stranger’s door as I stayed lingering, paces behind. “I’m here about the lawnmower you’ve got for sale out front,” he’d say, and then he’d follow the owner out to the yard to look the product over, while I stood quietly nearby. I learned a thing or two about the basics of selling alongside my dad back then. After all, he was the master of the “wheel and deal,” and one of the best negotiators I’ve ever met. But while my father would sometimes negotiate the terms of the sale or offer a barter or trade when he didn’t have just enough money, the biggest lesson I learned back then is that my father, ultimately, didn’t mind paying a fair price for the right product.

Part of my father’s “business plan” included his self-reliance on his mechanical knowledge and his ability to fix-up something that was broken, while still keeping in mind its full potential or value. This is what differentiated him from other buyers and sellers in the local area. He understood the cost of parts and labor as well as what was involved in buying something that needed to be fixed for resale. He’d buy it, only if he felt he could breathe new life into it and if he was guaranteed a profit for it when he turned the product.

Looking back on all this now, I realize my father would have made an amazing entrepreneur/business owner. He had the right mindset and business acumen. He never compromised who he was or deviated from his goal of turning a profit to put food on the table or to simply provide for his family. He’d buy something. He’d fix it up. He’d resell it. And, then he’d start that process over and over again, honestly and fairly, always being mindful of his profit margins along the way. If he were still around today, and if he had an actual business, I know that he wouldn’t have wavered from his business approach much along the way. After all, he was in the business of making money.

While all of this may be nothing more than simple lessons I learned early on in life, they made a fairly significant impact on me, nonetheless. In this crazy, mixed-up economy we are experiencing today, it’s so easy to become desperate and to sell yourself, your qualifications and your talents short. If you devise the perfect formula for success, it should include differentiating yourself to create value, to make an impact and to stand out, while still minding those margins to make sure you get fairly compensated in the process of all of that hard work and steadfast determination. For my promotional products industry friends, remember to rely more heavily on what you know: Buy a product, fix it up with your client’s brand and sell it–at a fair and honest price. Showcase your skills and knowledge, and this will differentiate you from the masses. “Remember who you are,” but most importantly, don’t compromise yourself along the way.

How Did it Get So Late So Soon?

We moved our daughter into her dorm at Loyola Marymount University this week. I haven’t found the right words to express how I’m feeling. Someone very special sent the following to me from a writer I admire very much.

How did it get so late so soon?

It’s night before it’s afternoon.

December is here before it’s June.

My goodness how the time is flewn.

How did it get so late so soon?

Dr. Seuss

Reflections

I sat under the pavilion sheltered from the sun, snacking on real images of my home and life, with my laptop finally open, pecking away at that novel I’ve only half-way finished writing. Occasionally, I would glance up to watch my son’s newly perfected dive permeating the pool’s crystal clear surface, and revel in the fact that hubby was home from his travels for a spell. Both of us, I’m sure, wondering what life will be like, just the three of us, when my daughter left our foursome to begin her journey off at college.

Remember Who You Are

Originally Written by Tonia Allen Gould for PromoKitchen.com.

My father was a salesman. I don’t think I realized it when I was a kid growing up in the Midwest, but, still he was one, even though he worked as a foreman for the Indiana State Highway Department. Back then, I’d spend time with my dad who was always looking to supplement his income to make an honest living. On weekends, Dad would drive me around in one of his old, beat-up cars or trucks he fixed-up himself. My family and I wouldn’t get too used to whatever vehicle he was driving at the moment, as it generally wouldn’t stay around long. The car merely served as a short-term means of transportation, and a roving billboard that advertised its own sale. While he didn’t have any long term relationship with the vehicle, he did have a certain attachment to it that came from having pride in his work, through his mechanical abilities, which enabled him to fix things that were broken.

On any given Sunday, Dad and I would be out on a mission, looking for other “For Sale” signs on tractors, lawn mowers, cars, trucks, boats or trailers parked haphazardly in some stranger’s yard. We’d spend hours-on-end in search of whatever we could find that suited Dad’s liking and matched his mechanical skills to buy, fix-up and sell again for a profit.

On any one of those days, my handsome dad would pull our car into some random driveway, climb out, smooth back his hair, hoist his pants and walk confidently up to knock on the stranger’s door as I stayed lingering, paces behind. “I’m here about the lawnmower you’ve got for sale out front,” he’d say, and then he’d follow the owner out to the yard to look the product over, while I stood quietly nearby. I learned a thing or two about the basics of selling alongside my dad back then. After all, he was the master of the “wheel and deal,” and one of the best negotiators I’ve ever met. But while my father would sometimes negotiate the terms of the sale or offer a barter or trade when he didn’t have just enough money, the biggest lesson I learned back then was that my father didn’t mind paying a fair price for something he wanted.

Part of my father’s “business plan” included his self-reliance on his mechanical knowledge and his ability to fix-up something that was broken, while still keeping in mind its full potential or value. This is what differentiated him from other buyers and sellers in the local area. He understood the cost of parts and labor as well as what was involved in buying something that needed to be fixed for resale. He’d buy it, if he felt he could breathe new life into it and if he was guaranteed a profit for it when he turned the product.

While all of this may be nothing more than simple lessons I learned early on in life, they made a fairly significant impact on me, nonetheless. In this crazy, mixed-up economy we are experiencing today, it’s so easy to become desperate and to sell yourself, your qualifications and your talents short. If you devise the perfect formula for success, it should include differentiating yourself to create value, to make an impact and to stand out, while still minding those margins to make sure you get fairly compensated in the process of all of that hard work and steadfast determination. Rely more heavily on what you know: Buy a product, fix it up with your client’s brand and sell it–at a fair and honest price. Showcase your skills and knowledge, and this will differentiate you from the masses. “Remember who you are,” but most importantly, don’t compromise yourself along the way.

Tonia Allen Gould is President/CEO of TAG! The Creative Source, a consumer promotions and marketing agency headquartered in California.

Snow Days!

The other evening, my husband sat me down for “a talk.” I should’ve realized something was up when he paused the football game he was watching and then got up to pour me a glass of wine before he sat down across from me and started to speak. “You know…I’ve been thinking,” he started, apprehensively. “I’ve been thinking that we’re sending our kids the wrong message with all the excess every year for Christmas. I think this year, we should keep things simple and not go too overboard,” he said.

At this point, my brain went into instant recall to last Christmas. “Uh-oh,” I thought. Last year, I promised him a Christmas of moderation too, but it took nearly two hours for the family to open all of their presents. It wasn’t the value of the gifts or how much really, I had spent that concerned my husband; it was the sheer number of presents that magically appeared under the Christmas tree, and it all looked and felt, excessive. It wasn’t that I had intended to buy all of those gifts, either. I had poorly planned Christmas and second-guessed myself up to the last-minute, and continued to buy more and more. The kids opened each gift, one after the other. They didn’t spend much time on each one and couldn’t wait to open the next. My husband was right. I had gone overboard on Christmas once again, and single-handedly, I lost track of what Christmas really meant to me.

When I was a kid, Christmas gifts were sometimes sparse under our tree back home in Indiana, but still; we could always count on the fact that they would be there waiting for us, each marked with our names, and there by Christmas morning. Back then, my father, who has since passed, was a supervisor for the Indiana State Department of Highways and he always made sure to take all the overtime he could, so that he could afford Christmas for his wife and three kids. The phone would ring in the middle of the nights he would be on call, and he would selflessly, pull himself up out of bed to go out to plow the roads, together with his men.

I remember those blustery nights, when the temperatures would drop well below zero, when Northern Indiana would get pummeled by all that icy, lake-effect snow sent down from Lake Michigan. Mom would get up with my father, pour him his coffee in his thermos and watch as he’d walk out the door. Those nights, she’d sit in the kitchen and listen to the police scanner, hoping that her own husband would be alright, out there in those sometimes, near-blizzard conditions. There were many days and nights in the wintertime when dad wouldn’t even get to come home because he was out there working, plowing roads so people could pass to do their holiday shopping and so that he could earn enough money to put presents under his own family’s tree. For some, those days were called Snow Days and that meant that kids got to miss school. But for us, a snow day meant that dad probably wouldn’t be coming home.

Looking back on all of that now, I realize that working overtime was optional for my dad, like many public service providers. It wasn’t something that he had to do; he didn’t have to get up night after night and brave the chilly night’s air. After all, my dad was a supervisor and he could have sent any of his men out in his replace, but he didn’t. Selflessly, my father climbed out of his own warm bed, put on his coveralls and boots and went out into those cold, blustery nights to plow the roads.

I wrote this today to remind myself of what the Christmas season means to me. In addition to celebrating Christ’s birth; it’s all about the time of year where we remember from where we came and learning to give selflessly, not excessively.

“43-04-10-7 Station-H-KFR640,” was the call my father made back to the highway department when his state-issued truck arrived safely, back in our driveway. We’d always hear it loud and clear, coming through the scanner tucked on top of the refrigerator, and we would watch as our mother would shut it off, just before my father walked the front door.

Merry Christmas!

To Be Uncouth

UncouthTeeGrey — Random photo, gleaned from the web.

To Be Uncouth

I’m thinking about the word “uncouth”. It’s one of my all time favorite words. It means to lack in manners, refinement or grace. Refinement and grace are both learned behaviors throughout a long period of time. People are excused, in my book, from lacking in refinement or grace because maybe they weren’t ever exposed to what those things are. Simply put, you can’t blame someone for becoming a product of their environment. In some people’s lives, being graceful and refined isn’t a requirement to live and breathe, and that’s alright. But, lacking in good manners is inexcusable in my opinion, because all you have to do is open your eyes and look around you to find good people with good manners to use as your examples throughout your lifetime. I think the word “uncouth” has the propensity to open up all sorts of debates about nature vs. nurture. Does anyone want to debate or spar with me on this one?

Life is a Balancing Act

diy-teeter_totter-200X200 — Photo gleaned from E-how Article By Ma Wen Jie, eHow Contributor

The idea for this post, started with a Tweet. “Balancing work & life is like being on a teeter-totter. I’m the fulcrum w/ kids on 1 end & a biz, the other. I’ve got 2 hold ’em both up.” The idea for the Tweet started with my first day back in the office after being out-of-town in Dallas for several days. When I returned, both my family and my job needed me, and like every other time I’ve been away, I immediately started the balancing act I like to call, “My Life.”

A fulcrum, quite simply, balances two similar weights. If you are a working mother too, I know you can appreciate the analogy. At home, I have a sixteen-year-old daughter who is a junior in high school and has begun SAT prepping. She’s starting to think about where she wants to go to college. My daughter, is a smart kid, but is struggling in pre-calculus. Leading up to this point, absolutely everything in her life has gone her way. She’s good at everything she touches and could, quite frankly, skate through life on that notion alone. While she sometimes pushes me away, as teenagers who are getting ready to fly the coop often do; I know she needs me now, more than ever, to help her to figure out how to begin to orchestrate the rest of her life.

My son is equally gifted, or I think he is, from a completely biased mother’s perspective. He’s almost nine and spends hours on end making origami, drawing finite pictures, building rockets, making his own science experiments and looking-up answers that his parents aren’t smart enough to answer. He wants to be a rocket scientist and one day, go to work at NASA. Athletics only interests him slightly (which is a good thing, because he’s only slightly athletic) and my husband and I have to prepare to raise a true scholar.

Both of my children need me in very different ways, and every day, those needs change as sure as the shifting tides. But, I have a third child and one that I’m a single parent to, my company, TAG! The Creative Source. TAG! is my sixteen-year-old, thriving, teenaged marketing company that wants to grow, and I have to review strategies that will take my company through to its adulthood. At TAG! I’m truly on my own with no partner in place.

If you were to ask me, why I do it, why do I carry the weight of two separate worlds on my shoulders; I’m sure my answer would relate to some and probably differ from most. I work, not because I have to, but because I want to. I also require personal security; I don’t want to have to worry about what to do if something ever happened to my husband. In addition, I want to raise my children to believe that they can grow up to be absolutely anything they want to be. My son may well want to walk on the moon someday, and I know we are raising him to do exactly that, if he wants to. My husband and I are blessed with two incredibly independent children who can now think on their own two feet and who are able to contribute to the world with or without us. Because my husband and I both work, our two children have learned to function on their own when necessary.

So, this is how teeter totters are made. Mothers like me, sometimes root themselves firmly into the ground, and allow massive weights to be placed on their shoulders while two separate forces rise and fall despite the needs of the other. Sometimes, we falter, but we try to never crumble, for if we do, we know the weight of two worlds will come colliding down upon us.

When you came across this post, you were probably looking for some great article to build your own teeter totter at home. If that’s the case, I don’t want to disappoint. Check out this great article on e-How, “DIY Teeter-Totter.” However, back in Indiana, where I was raised, all you needed to make a teeter-totter was a log and a piece of plywood.